I am a better parent to my students than to my own children

I’m on the phone with a school leader of a middle school.

She’s in tears because she’s hit her limit as a leader.

Maybe you can relate?

For Amanda she was sick and tired of giving her best to the school, while only having scraps left over to give her family.

She told me, “I am a better parent to my students than to my own children.”

The words hung there in the silence.

They were heavy.

Amanda had come to an important realization that many school leaders ignore.

The urgency. The high stakes.The endless to do list.

This job will take …

And take …

And take …

Until you’ve given everything you have.

And once depleted, you will be replaced with someone who has more to give.

The cycle then repeats.

Giving everything you have to your work, while having nothing left for your family is not a pre-requisite for effective leadership.

But for many school leaders, they think this is the only way.

Point is you can be an effective leader and still have a life.

The way of the Ruckus Maker is to Do School Different.

At the core of that point of view is to create a campus experience worth showing up for.

That goes for your students, your staff, but also for you as well.

If the job feels more like a grind than something that fills you up, something is off. You're not operating out of your gifts. You're not playing in a sandbox that leverages your unique ability.

When I asked Amanda what changed, she pointed to one thing: the non-negotiables she wrote down during our work together.

Her personal boundaries. Her line in the sand.

That's what I call your "Ruckus Maker Rules." These are a set of 3-5 rules that you create so you can play the Great School Leadership Game on your own terms. A simple (and powerful) set of rules that you decide on now, so you can make 1000 decisions easily in the future …

Once Amanda wrote down and began to honor her rules, things began to change.

One of her rules was simple but non-negotiable: "I leave campus by 5 pm, three days a week. No exceptions.”

Things began to change for her.

Amanda was able to her daughter’s theater performance and see her son’s soccer games.

She was no longer an absent mother.

If you're sick of giving your best to your work, only to have scraps left over for your family …

If you're tired of being an absent parent because you're trying to be a present principal …

Then it's time to write your Ruckus Maker Rules.

Don’t wait for another school year to pass before you create clear boundaries. Your kids will get older. The moments you're missing won't come back.

The work will always be there. The question is … will your family?

I taught the Ruckus Maker Rules framework in our Play Your Game program last month.

The live cohort has finished, but you can still access the complete program — all eight lessons, plus the Rules workshop — and work through it at your own pace.

If you want to write your rules and finally stop sacrificing your family for your job, join Play Your Game today.

Keep Making a Ruckus,

Danny

PS … Amanda's daughter is 14 now. In four years, she'll be gone. Those theater performances? They don't wait for you to figure out your boundaries. Don't let another school year pass while your kids grow up in the margins of your calendar. Join Play your Game today.